Dealing With Grief

Are you finding it hard to deal with the death of a close one?
Do you feel like you didn’t have enough time to see them?
Are you still upset?
Do you feel lost without them?
Have you got emotions trapped inside because of it?
Have you not been yourself since?
Maybe feeling worst at night?
Wish things are back to the way they were?
Feeling scared because that special person has passed on and is no longer around to comfort and support you?

Grief is a natural response to loss. It’s the emotional
suffering you feel when something or someone you love is taken away. The more
significant the loss, the more intense the grief will be. You may associate
grief with the death of a loved one—which is often the cause of the most intense
type of grief—but any loss can cause grief,
including:




​


Divorce
or relationship breakup


​


Loss
of health


​


Losing
a job


​


Loss
of financial stability


​


A
miscarriage


​


Retirement



​


Death
of a pet


​


Loss
of a cherished dream


​


A
loved one’s serious illness


​


Loss
of a friendship


​


Loss
of safety after a trauma ​


​


Selling
the family home


​


The
more significant the loss, the more intense the grief. However, even subtle
losses can lead to grief. For example, you might experience grief after moving
away from home, graduating from college, changing jobs, selling your family
home, or retiring from a career you loved.


Everyone
grieves differently
Grieving
is a personal and highly individual experience. How you grieve depends on many
factors, including your personality and coping style, your life experience, your
faith, and the nature of the loss. The grieving process takes time. Healing
happens gradually; it can’t be forced or hurried – and there is no
“normal” timetable for grieving. Some people start to feel better in
weeks or months. For others, the grieving process is measured in years. Whatever
your grief experience, it’s important to be patient with yourself and allow the
process to naturally unfold.



Myths
and Facts About Grief
MYTH:
The pain will go away faster if you ignore it.



Fact:
Trying to ignore your pain or keep it from surfacing will only make it worse in
the long run. For real healing it is necessary to face your grief and actively
deal with it.


MYTH:
It’s important to be “be strong” in the face of loss.



Fact:
Feeling sad, frightened, or lonely is a normal reaction to loss. Crying doesn’t
mean you are weak. You don’t need to “protect” your family or friends by putting
on a brave front. Showing your true feelings can help them and you.



MYTH:
If you don’t cry, it means you aren’t sorry about the loss.



Fact:
Crying is a normal response to sadness, but it’s not the only one. Those who
don’t cry may feel the pain just as deeply as others. They may simply have other
ways of showing it.


MYTH:
Grief should last about a year.


Fact:
There is no right or wrong time frame for grieving. How long it takes can differ
from person to person.


Source:
Center for Grief and Healing


Are there stages of grief?
In
1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced what became known as the
“five stages of grief.” These stages of grief were based on her studies of the
feelings of patients facing terminal illness, but many people have generalized
them to other types of negative life changes and losses, such as the death of a
loved one or a break-up.


The
five stages of grief:

• 
  Denial:
  “This can’t be happening to me.”
  
  


• 
  Anger:
  “Why is this happening? Who is to
  blame?”
  
  


• 
  Bargaining:
  “Make this not happen, and in return I will
  ____.”
  
  


• 
  Depression:
  “I’m too sad to do anything.
  
  


• 
  Acceptance:
  “I’m at peace with what happened.”
  
  

If
you are experiencing any of these emotions following a loss, it may help to know
that your reaction is natural and that you’ll heal in time. However, not
everyone who grieves goes through all of these stages – and that’s okay.
Contrary to popular belief, you do not have to go through each stage in
order to heal. In fact, some people resolve their grief without going
through any of these stages. And if you do go through these stages of
grief, you probably won’t experience them in a neat, sequential order, so don’t
worry about what you “should” be feeling or which stage you’re supposed to be
in.

Shock and disbelief – Right after a loss, it can be hard to accept what happened. You may feel numb, have trouble believing that the loss really happened, or even deny the truth. If someone you love has died, you may keep expecting him or her to show up, even though you know he or she is gone.

Sadness – Profound sadness is probably the most universally experienced symptom of grief. You may have feelings of emptiness, despair, yearning, or deep loneliness. You may also cry a lot or feel emotionally unstable.

Guilt – You may regret or feel guilty about things you did or didn’t say or do. You may also feel guilty about certain feelings (e.g. feeling relieved when the person died after a long, difficult illness). After a death, you may even feel guilty for not doing something to prevent the death, even if there was nothing more you could have done.

Anger – Even if the loss was nobody’s fault, you may feel angry and resentful. If you lost a loved one, you may be angry with yourself, God, the doctors, or even the person who died for abandoning you. You may feel the need to blame someone for the injustice that was done to you.

Fear – A significant loss can trigger a host of worries and fears. You may feel anxious, helpless, or insecure. You may even have panic attacks. The death of a loved one can trigger fears about your own mortality, of facing life without that person, or the responsibilities you now face alone.

Physical symptoms – We often think of grief as a strictly emotional process, but grief often involves physical problems, including fatigue, nausea, lowered immunity, weight loss or weight gain, aches and pains, and insomnia.